Michelle's Crazy World

Welcome to my crazy life as a Lover, Mother, and Friend of my huge family.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Update!!

Man it has been forever since I have updated my blog. Alot has happened since I last posted. The family is doing great everyone just started back at school Andrew is now in 9th grade, Brayden 6th, Lexi 4th, Baylee 2nd and CC missed the kindergarten deadline so she started preschool at Ms. Tami's with her cousin Allie. She loves it and is very excited to go!! I love it cause I get the whole year FREE cause I watch the teachers cute little 2 year old while CC is in class. Andrew just turned 14 a couple of months ago and in October Brayden will be joining Drew at YM's I can't believe he is going to be 12. How fast they grow. I am so not ready for 16 cause my two boys are already way social and hardly ever want to do anything with us unless their friends can come.
Lexi is not coordinated at anything but she wanted to play soccer with a friend of hers and to our surprise she loves it and has improved greatly. When I can't find her she is always in the backyard with her cleats on and kicking the ball in the backyard. I am glad I finally found something that she enjoys doing.
Jeff is finally staying busy with work but sucks cause he is traveling to Colorado every Saturday until late Tuesday nights of every week so I feel like a single mom now between his day job, side jobs and church callings. Yay me! NOT.
They released me from my young womens miamaid advisor calling a month ago and I was not too happy about that. I miss the girls and love them dearly!! I have been having such a hard time and just sitting in sacrament meeting my stomach is all in knots and I can't stand to be there so I have made the decision to take time off from church. Now with Jeff being out of town every weekend he is guilt tripping me by using my kids. I don't know what to do anymore and how to get through he anger, hurt, and hard feelings I am having. I see it affecting Andrew but I can not sit in church without feeling like running and never coming back. Every time I tell him he needs to go to a meeting that he has been asked to be at or to go to ym's he throws the you don't go so why should I. I am beginning to think that the reason work has made Jeff go out of town every weekend is God's way of forcing me back. But I can't bring myself to go back. My kids have missed the last 3 weeks of church and Brayden ratted me out to Jeff I think I need to bribe that kid some more. All the other kids enjoyed our sleeping in and watching movies all day. If anyone has any ideas how to make this easier or advice please don't be afraid to put me in my place.

7 comments:

slingwall said...

So now you will know that I stalk your blog and that I went through the same thing as you only worse. It took them giving me a different calling to keep me where I needed to be. There really needs to be some kind of group for ex young women leaders. We did lots of Wed icecream nights and formed our own group that has a little trip in the summer in place of camp. You are welcome to come and join. Good luck to you. I am almost a year in and it does get better. But your heart stays with the girls!!!

Kristen said...

this sounds hard, I really think that you need to force yourself to just go no matter how you are feeling. Even though you were released those girls still love you and look up to you. What do they think about you not being there, you are teaching them that if they don't like something to just give up and I know that you don't want them thinking that. Your kids need it as well, you need to help them learn to love church now so that when they are older (16ish) and they REALLY care more about their friends than hanging with you and Jeff that they will have a testimony to stand on. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time, maybe they pulled you out now so that you can go back in in a couple of years when your girls are in. I really hope you get feeling better, I think you are so amazing and I look up to you and I adore you Shell!! Love, Kristen

Chad said...

Yeah finally. Geez.

Chad said...

I meant finally an update. Not finally ditching church. Just to clarify. I had a hard time when I was released too, so I know a little how you feel.

Julie said...

You know those girls love you and they still look up to you. You still need to be an example to them and to your own children. You know I say this with love. Callings come and go. Maybe someone else needed the calling in their lives. Buck up girl, we love you and miss you!

kimsueellen said...

Chel, I think the tummy in knots may be hereditary. I agree with what your friends are saying, it is best to just make yourself go. If not for you, for your kids and for those girls. I have found that Satan works on me really, really hard, and it is those days that he is working on me, and I do go, that I am most filled with the spirit. Heavenly Father loves you. Pray for help to get where you need to be and he will help you.

We all remember what it was like to be teenagers, and our children need our example now so that when it gets really rough, they can see that we believe, we hope, and we fight to have the blessings in our lives.

Love you, and will say a special prayer for you...xoxo

vanusa said...

ok shel i am a little slow but am still worried about you and am not sure you will even read this cause i just read your blog almost 3 months late.
I get how you are feeling but you really need to realize its not just about you Our Heavenly father know what is best for us and we may not understand but we just go with faith. I cried for weeks when i got released and was a little angry also cause i felt like i needed to be there becaus we had just lost alyssa. I still dont know why i needed to be released, but the most important thing is our Heavenly Father loves us and we need to trust in him. Pray alot and be a good example to your kids cause they need you and God in there lives. They temple will help also. Sorry dont want to sound preachy but i love you so much and wish i could help.